Eavesdropping

It’s my favorite thing to do, next to people watching. The best part is eavesdropping and people watching go hand in hand. The thing is...I am starting to do it with my own group of friends. Which, to be honest is a bit awkward when I am trying to be engaged with the new group. For example, lately I have found myself restless in social situations, which is very unlike me. I can be having a perfectly nice conversation with someone, and I find myself eavesdropping on the conversation next to me. How can I expect to get to know anybody if I don’t listen to anyone? I used to pride myself in listening, and now I can’t seem to focus. It’s like I have a hierarchy of people I want to get to know, and if I am spending time talking to one person, but a person higher up on the list is sitting next to me talking to someone else, I try and wiggle my way into their conversation. It’s ridiculous and disingenuous. Being new to a group is not easy for me, but I should know you can’t become part of a group’s history over night, or ever...really. It is too difficult. All you can do is keep hanging around, creating your own memories with people. Eventually, you are part of the group by default. I just need to recognize that I can’t listen to or rank my way into a group of people. I just need to be myself and the rest will come. God knows it has already gotten a lot better. It just takes time.