Tina Feyminism...

One of the joys of moving back to Minneapolis is the lovely company of my favorite ladies. I was lucky enough to entertain them in my humble abode last night for my initiation into their already established book club. There was wine. There were chocolates. There were snacks procured at the last minute. And there was Tina Fey's Bossypants.

Now for those of you who have read it. Congratulations! Nice work. For those of you who haven't you really should. It is an easy, entertaining read, full of half baked themes like motherhood, professional sexism and self deprecation.

To be honest, the book clubs I've participated in up to this point in my life usually included a bottle of Jager. Yeah, we were REALLY interested in talking about the book back then. But now the women that were in my home are no longer just college friends or bar working buddies. These women now run the gamut when it comes to profession from the first ever critical care/neuro NP in the state of Minnesota to multiple entrepreneurs. From corporate desks to teacher's desks. The commentary that was spurred from what was reviewed as a book that included some...

"hugely funny bits, and some inspiring bits, and some nerdishly interesting bits, and some bits that read like essays in the New Yorker (which in fact two of the chapters were). "

Led to the type of conversations I crave with intelligent women whose opinions I trust. Communication enriched by our diversity in specialization, experience and personality.

We talked about men in the work place and how top heavy, pun intended the lower class of business still is. There are so many over the shoulder boulder holders in the lower half of the corporate ladder that I am surprised it hasn't toppled forward due to the extra frontal weight.

We talked about being a working mother. Well we postulated about it except for one. Wondered if the aforementioned situation was intrinsically linked to maternity...which it obviously is. Nobody is talking or writing about the Fatherhood Penalty. But we talked about it less from a fair vs. unfair perspective and more about how our specific jobs treated the subject as well as how we felt motherhood would affect our futures. Of course the one mother in the room made sure to point out that Tina has it pretty good since she can bring her baby on set. Not the case for most. Oh and she has a constant "babysitter" so that helps. But to quote one of the women in attendance:

"Tina doesn't have a f*!%#$% babysitter, she has a nanny. Let's get serious"

Still I think we all felt a certain sense of pride that there is a woman out there who is not conventionally beautiful or funny for that matter, that made it. Like really made it.

One friend mentioned that she loved the part of the book where you could see a shift in late night comedy. There was an instance at SNL when Amy Poehler stood up and said she didn't give a F*&^!!!! what a male writer liked. There was a time when Tina said that a guy told her no one would ever want to watch a sketch with just two women. Then there was the Sarah Palin v. Hillary Clinton cold open during the presidential election and it made the news. Screw you guy who nobody knows!!!

I talked about how I thought it was kind of sad that women's comedy has to be more self deprecating to be funny, or so it would seem. Maybe it is because we don't like watching women be physically humorous, or listen to them talk about the funny things women have to go through like maxi pads. (read the book) I figured it was also about the fact that if women make the joke first someone else can't hurt us by making it for us or about us. That was more of a life comment than a book comment. Some girls heads went up and down. Others side to side. Alas a debate that will go on another time.

We talked about the Tridiots. Palin, Bachmann and O'Donnell.

We talked about the nuggets of wisdom Tina left like breadcrumbs for you throughout the book. They often lead you in a direction but never to a specific destination. I think she believes strongly in women thinking for ourselves. We talked about the anecdotes, peeing in bottles and the difficulty of teaching your daughter that Snow White is pretty even if she doesn't have yellow hair.

We debated about why women are such haters? We are HATERS, MAN!!!! We refuse to be happy for each other when we see another woman succeed, especially but not limited to direct competition. Actually that isn't completely accurate. To use the word refuse would mean we have some sort of conscious power over it. Nope it is like a primordial response that our body just involuntarily projects. It is a sad social commentary that women are still the ones that seem to be holding women down. Now don't get me wrong, we aren't the whole problem but until we can lift each other up instead of tearing each other apart there may never be a Tina Fey for every generation. I think everyone at my house would at least agree that young women should have a Tina Fey type.

Over all it was a great evening. It made me proud to be friends with the women I'm friends with.

At the end of the night I sent most home, well one in particular, with Chips Ahoy! Starbursts and Skittles. I'll never get long Swedish legs or the abs of a lesbian gym owner if I have that stuff in my house. The door closed and it was just me and my cat. A little bit fuller and wearier and happier and a lot more aware of what she tells young women who ask her for career advice:

People are going to try to trick you. To make you feel that you are in competition with one another. “You’re up for a promotion. If they go with a woman, it’ll be between you and Barbara.” Don’t be fooled. You’re not in competition with other women. You’re in competition with everyone. Also, I encourage them to always wear a bra. Even if you don’t think you need it, just… you know what? You’re never going to regret it.

Thanks Tina Fey.

And thank you God for the double D's. Wearing a bra has never been an issue.