Morning Breakfast.

The agency I work for, when vying for the Humane Society account, decided it would go big or go home during the pitch. The results were dogs in our office. Four people in the agency, now three since one moved away, adopted dogs from the Humane Society, and the proceeded to bring them to work everyday. Teams were created to help with walking them, cleaning up after them and dog sitting if the owner was going to be out of town for a weekend. I think it is great and honestly, I love seeing them at work. It reminds me that I work in an advertising agency, not some big corporate hum-drum that would never allow such a thing.

However, I have to say when I am walking down to the cafeteria to get my breakfast and pass two pups on the floor below, the last thing I want to see is one of them taking a dump and the other one eating it. I mean I am sure they are just as hungry as I am at 9 a.m. and they just want some grub...but that is enough to make this girl...almost...lose her appetite.

Big Waxing Sale.

I was on my way to meet some friends for dinner and a movie the other night, so I was taking a different route than my usual. I walked to the bus stop on Clark, and stood waiting for the next bus to arrive. Since it was a new environment for me, I took in the cross streets and the businesses around me. One window in particular caught my eye. It was a nail salon that also provided waxing services. The only reason I know this is because one of the windows had a large sign hanging. There were three words on it.

'Big Waxing Sale'.

Now, I don't know about you, but as a female, WTF was the first thing that went through my head. As a former salon employee the second thing that went through my head was, did you order too much wax and now are trying to use it before it goes bad. Or has it already gone bad and you know that the results of waxing with are going to be so catastrophic that you want to get as much money in the door as you can before the man comes to close you down??? Or maybe someone was afraid the wax was going to take over the store like the blob.

Maybe it was advertising snobbery that turned me off, or perhaps it's the fact that those three words should never go together in the same sentence, if you can even call it that. Either way, it made me curious, but not enough to ever step into an establishment that would put that sign in the window.

Sleeping Beauty...

Tempur-Pedic successfully showcases the benefits of their products through advertising and testimonials. The wine glass, with the woman jumping on the bed, proving a restless partner won't ruin your sleep. The contour technology that conforms precisely to your exact body shape, giving you a hugging sensation as you fall asleep. Although these things are very attractive for someone who uses their bed for only for sleeping, I have to say these attributes make the bed unattractive for other things.

For example, if you have a partner who is a heavy sleeper. How are you supposed to shake them out of a night terror if you can't get their body to move from it's mattress encasing? If you have kids and they like waking you up by jumping on the bed, how fun is it going to be for them if they can't rouse you with a round of double dutch on the four-poster? Or let's say it's time to get a little, "business time" if you will, and you want to switch positions or really get the bed rocking. Tempur-Pedic's success rides on the basic idea that you can't easily do either of those things. It stays steady. So when you want the headboard to hit the wall to annoy your neighbors or just for the added effect, it ain't gonna happen. The mattress conforms to the shape of your body. I think it would be tough to rock out of that imprint by yourself, let alone after 15 minutes of the weight of somebody else on top of you.

I am sure that sleeping on a Tempur-Pedic results in a very good night sleep, but it doesn't sound like a whole lot of fun for those who like to do more than that on a mattress.

American Spirited Commitment.

I have a friend who is trying to quit smoking. She recently got some advice from a colleague who was also trying to quit. She told her to start smoking American Spirits. I realize that sounds a little ridiculous, if you want to quit smoking, keep smoking just change cigarettes. The thing is, a lot of people have used this particular tactic.

Apparently, American Spirits have less of the toxins other cigarettes use in tobacco. They also burn a lot slower than your typical cigarette. So while your brain is being slowly weened off some of the toxins you've become addicted to in Marlboros and Camels, you also don't smoke as often because your usual 3-5 minute cig break is now lasting up to 15 minutes. That yellow pack is a serious commitment. You have to commit to that cigarette when you light up because you are going to be spending a lot more time with the stick. The amount of time you spend smoking increases by like 30%. Nobody does anything now a days that takes up MORE time. It just struck me as strange.

Of course, she is still smoking, so who knows how much credibility this hypothesis holds. But one thing is for sure, if you see someone smoking an American Spirit, you know they aren't a commitment-phobic.

Tweeter...

When you post something it's called a Tweet.  So then why isn't the website called Tweeter?  Or vice versa the website is called Twitter, so why isn't a post called a Twit?  I mean a lot of the people on there are in fact twits.  It seems like that would make more sense.

For the record I have an account, so I'm not knocking it...I just think it would be more seamless to pick one word and stick with it.

Don't forget to wash your hands...

I will never understand the signs in public restrooms. Well, not all public restrooms, but specifically the ones that are inside a restaurant or business. You know, the ones that say 'Employees must wash hand before returning to work'. Is it really something only employees must do? I don't think so. It should say 'All self respecting people must wash their hands before returning to their lives'.

And if employees don't what happens? Is there some super secret way of finding out if they did or didn't. Are they black lighting people's hands when they get back behind the counter or on the sales floor? Is there some sort of reprimanding system if an employee is infecting the store with streptococci? I doubt it. It's just another example of sign making companies getting paid to create a sign that doesn't do anything. Like when they passed the conceal and carry law in Minnesota. Signs went up everywhere that stated 'No guns allowed on these premises'. It is a conceal and carry law. I am pretty sure as long as the gun was concealed nobody was getting in trouble for carrying a gun no one else could see.

Oh, and for the record, the disinfectant gel or whatever is not a substitute for washing your hands. I don't care what you say.

The Biggest Hypocrite.

One of the many articles that's been written since Jillian Michaels introduced her line of cleansing, metabolism boosting diet pills, is titled "Shame on You, Jillian Michaels". To be honest, I couldn't agree more.

Jillian went through her own weight issues when she was a little girl and teenager and she worked her tail off to get in the awe-striking shape she is today. Her methodology, her books, her own story is one of eating right, portion control, exercising, hard work, and determination. . Jillian's equation helped not only herself lose weight and keep it off, but others as well. It got her on The Biggest Loser and the show helped her reach the fitness fame she has today. However, by introducing a line of diet pills she is broadcasting hypocrisy in the worst way. In the words of the author of the article aforementioned,

Her Extreme Quickstart rapid weight loss program goes against everything she has ever preached, sold, or screamed in anyone’s face. Instead of preaching behavior change, educated choices and hard work- you can now just take a pill! The program includes a fat burner, a detoxifying cleanse, and an appetite controller. Stimulants, basically. No proven successes and a laundry list of side effects.

Basically, she didn't even create a program with any dietary value. I know that money makes the world go round, and it's the reason for Jessica Simpson touting hair pieces, and Sean "Puffy" Combs having multiple fragrances. In my opinion, these celebrities are better than Jillian because of the stuff they are endorsing. For instance,

1) the products don't go against everything these celebs stand for

2) the products don't come with side effects

3) they don't go on TV every week stand on a soap box and preach hypocrisy

I bought one of her books, and I'm angry I gave her money. She is creating an empire for the American public that has come to expect and crave instant gratification. Take a pill and get skinny. However, what she is doing is more dangerous than the doctors that put on their lab coats and endorse Hydroxycut or SlimQuick. People are already skeptical of diet pills and doctors. Jillian has proven her effectiveness on a weekly show that demonstrates drastic results, and that is without the pills. I can't imagine what would happen if they contestants were given her new line of stimulants. I can only guess they'd be monitored more diligently by the medical staff on set than they already are.

I just think it's wrong and I am ashamed of her. Way to sell out Jillian. You've now joined the laundry list of celebrities and fitness gurus that are getting rich by playing on people's emotions and then ripping them off.

On top of that, you've ruined one of my favorite shows. I just can't look at TBL the same way anymore.

How Can I Help You??

I was in a Barnes & Noble a few weekends ago with a few friends.  One of them parked his car outside and we needed to get his ticket validated for parking. Before we left we got coffee at the B&N Starbucks. While I was waiting at the "pick up" station for my Grande Iced Americano, I asked the lady behind the counter if I could get the ticket validated at their counter.   She looked at me and said, "You can go to customer service to get validation."

As I walked to the "customize your coffee" station, I replayed what she has said. I added my faux sugar, half & half, shook it up and walked away.  Still, what she said kept bouncing around in my brain.    If I needed validation, I could go to customer service.   That got me thinking. Wouldn't it be great if any time I needed a little validation I could walk into any establishment with a customer service desk and just...get it. If this was the case, the world would be a very very different lace.   Less guys entering workout facilities shooting innocent people. Less women dying on account of shady cosmetic surgery.  Fewer people mixing sleep aids and anti-depressants.  I am sure you can add to the list.

In my case, I might have been a less crazy self questioning teenager. I'd be a much more self-assured adult.  I wouldn't have put up with boys who treated me badly, just for the few times they confirmed my existence.  No more diet pills.  Fewer crises of confidence. When in a fight with a friend, I could rely on a third party behind the counter to reinforce my feelings.  Think about it, a storefront that provided the service of giving validation.   Take a number, get some sanity.  You might be the most confident, narcissistic, self-assured person on the plant, but I guarantee you'd travel to a customer service desk every once in a while if they provided even a little bit of reassurance.

Imagine entering through automatic doors, greeted by a service specialist who says, "Hi, how can I help you today?"

You say, "I could use some validation."

They'd say, "Okay great. Where should we start?"

Trump Card Bachelor

A few of my sports savvy and more comedic male friends have a blog. You should check it out. It's attached to my blog.

Jesus is a Republican.

Recently I had the pleasure of hearing one of the many people who worked on the Obama 2008 campaign. He was one of the many masterminds behind the streamlined, obviously very effective Obama marketing, branding, social networking, etc campaign. The best part was after the event. The BOARDS sponsored a "happy hour" and I had a chance to talk to him.

After talking to him for a while I realized it was coming to a close, so before he moved on to the others who wanted to pick his brain I had to ask him one last question. What I asked him, which I am sure was as unoriginal as it sounds, "would you do it again?". He said "absolutely not", and began to walk away. Then he turned around. He looked at me and said very straightforward "I would do it again, but only Jesus decided to run for the Republican party." Then he walked away.

As he did, I thought he should add that line to his speech.

The Theatre, The Theatre...

What's happened to the theatre? Especially where dressing is concerned?? (If you don't know I am quoting Danny Kaye from Rodgers and Hammerstein's White Christmas, with a tweak). I am sort of a theatre nerd.

Seriously though, when did a night at the theatre become interchangeable with a night at the movies, a night at the comedy club, a night you decided to spend at home because you didn't feel like showering or shaving your legs? Recently I had the pleasure to escort a group of friends to the Oriental Theatre in Chicago to see "The Addams Family", now making it's cross country move to Broadway. Let me first say that the show was hilarious. The distinguished Nathan Lane put on a brilliant performance as Gomez, while the brazen and beautiful Bebe Neuwirth played Morticia. The show was hilariously funny and I thought it did the Addams cartoons justice. We had a wonderful time and the Oriental is the most gorgeous I've been to in the city. However, it was hard to focus on the ornate decor, the painstaking attention given to the smallest detail and the excitement of the night. Why you ask?

Well, because there was a guy in front of me, wearing the a five point pentacle around his neck, with his black jeans and his Gothic t-shirt under his ripped flannel shirt. The guy in front of him was wearing a baseball cap and a matching sweatshirt of his favorite NFL team. Listen, I am a psychotic Packer fan and if you have read this blog before you know that I will sport the Green and Gold anywhere...except the THEATRE!!! There was a woman wearing house slippers a few rows below him. Yes, we were in the "nosebleeds", but I still have the expectation that the "nosebleeds" at Wrigley field would be different than at the Oriental.

I may sound like a snob or an elitist, but in this case I don't really care. A night at the theatre, where amazing talents put on a show just for you should require a little more preparedness on your part than say a Wednesday evening spent in front of the television. I think the theatre is one of the few things left in our society that gathers the masses in a more formal setting, and I think it should be treated as such. Put on a pair of black pants, half the time they are more comfortable than jeans anyway. A button up shirt perhaps and it doesn't even have to have a suit coat over it. Wear some shoes that don't have Nike or Puma written across the bottom of them. Yes, I love that theatre has become more accessible to everyone, but treat it with the respect that it deserves. I will forever love being one of the people who gathers in the darkness, all I ask is for those who gather with me to leave the Zoobas at home.